went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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