ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
