Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize