Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
