Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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