I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
