Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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