BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
