you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
did i just pee glitter
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
