HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
