Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
