Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Panties = found
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