i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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