I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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