i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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