Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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