I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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