There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
