I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
