they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
