Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
