dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
