your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize