Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My Higher Power is John Stamos
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So many bounce houses so little time
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
