I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
