i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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