fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
