I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
