i jhust puked up my retainher.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
