I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
