The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
