is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
