i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
