just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
