her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
