Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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