and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
