he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
