Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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