My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
