I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
