you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
