I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
