The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
