so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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