i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
