you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize