I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
