This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
