I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
