Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
