3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
