eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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