im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
