hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
