Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
