just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the day after is always just damage control
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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