I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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