I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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