My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
