I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
