I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
