Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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