That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
