You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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