also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
