and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
