At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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