lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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