I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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