everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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