The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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