Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
