And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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