Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
