you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
