I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
