They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
