Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
