if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
