You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
