Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
