Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
