he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
