If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
we should paint friendship bongs
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
