So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize