I hope mine doesn't look like that
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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