Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
