My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
