turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My penis needs a shock collar
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
