im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
