Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
